Onigumo's hell
by blahosaurus
Summary: The secret behind his web of lies. His desperation to remove the only part that makes him human. How did he feel when he killed the one he loves with his copycat claws? Complete


Disclaimer- Me no own.

-Onigumo's Hell-

No! please…**No**!

Breathe…

But I choke instead.

This wasn't supposed to happen! This wasn't the plan. Why, Kikyo? Why didn't she wish upon the Shikon No Tama?

Why didn't you save yourself?

I pull at my hair, sink to the ground. I can feel the demons inside, I can feel them at the border of my conscience, whispering, inviting.

"she's dead…" my whisper comes out as another broken sob.

'_This can't be happening!'_

My broken body had watched her, unable to move, to touch her, to embrace her. She knew who I was. No… who I had _been_. A bandit.

Filthy

Tainted

I didn't belong with someone so pure. But I _wanted _her. There was lust. Raw lust. But, deep inside I knew, there was more love.

Much more.

I was infatuated. All day and night to think, and I could only think of her. But I was helpless, hopeless. I could do nothing.

**Nothing.**

I took my anger out on her younger sister, Kaede. My anger that I would never move again, that I was alone.

All alone.

That Kikyo would never love me. She probably never even _liked_ me.

Anger that I was rotting, inside and outside. No one would ever love me.

All alone.

And then the day came. Ever wondered how I found out about Kikyo and that filthy half-breed? How I ever knew, if I was paralyzed?

I heard it from Kaede herself. She was talking to a friend of hers. Talking about Inu-yasha and Kikyo, how she was sure they were in love.

I died then.

My body broken, my soul incomplete. I had to show Kikyo that I loved her, that I was so much better than that mongrel could ever be. I lay there, my hate bubbling.

I had to get rid of him.

I had to form a plan that would result with Kikyo _hating_ that mutt, just as much as _I_ hated him.

But as my anger formed into plans, there was one tiny problem.

I couldn't move.

For days I just let myself be tended to. I could feel Kikyo's power was diminishing. I knew it was Inu-yasha's fault.

Look what he was doing to her! It would kill her! What if she was caught off guard? What if she _died_?

No… she couldn't die.

It was that that pushed me over the edge.

Desperation.

I called to them, the old flame of evil rising to allure them near. I gave myself to them. Completely. Just for her. To _be_ with her.

I would make her happier than that stupid mutt could ever dream to.

My plan was perfect. Kikyo and Inu-yasha would think themselves betrayed. They would hate each other. Kikyo would kill Inu-yasha, then wish on the Shikon no Tama to heal herself. The jewel would not be tainted, she was a Miko after all. I would live my life with her.

I loved her so much.

But then everything felt apart. She… She died.

It was all my fault.

I had done this to her. I was the one that ripped her flesh.

I _killed _her.

You can not imagine how much I hated myself. What I was, what I had become. I had killed my love, my life. I deserved to die.

And I tried to. So many times. But the demons inside got stronger.

_Hell_

They whispered.

_Hell_

And that's where I was.

That's what I was.

Each day passed, forced to live a life I wanted to die from. I wandered through the forests, no demon dared come near. I could feel my power, feeding from my hate.

Hate of myself.

So I decided on what to do. If I couldn't kill myself, I would eliminate myself from my body. I would let hell loose, let Naraku be born. I would kill and curse any in my path. I would find the Shikon no Tama and kill my human heart.

_Jealousy_

_Love_

_Despair_

_Loneliness_

I would get rid of them. I would rip from me what had killed my beloved Kikyo.

Once again I gave.

My barriers gone.

Naraku was born.

Naraku who would love Kikyo

Naraku who would have one desire.

To get rid of **me**.

Thank you for reading! Please review, it'll only take a minute! I would greatly appreciate it! However, any flames will be eaten by my fat dog, Yuka, and I'm told they don't have much nutritional value, so don't waste your time!

Thanks!


End file.
